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Raw chocolate pudding   
01:15pm 21/08/2008

raw cocoa powder
bit of coconut oil
some cinnimon

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11:01am 20/08/2008
  they have a few vegan meal replacement drinks at my work- powdered items with veg protein (hemp, rice, etc.), greens, and sometimes added anti-oxidants, vits, minerals, probiotics. I like the idea of these products, but they taste like crap.
i've tried the fruit and choc flavoured, and they're both yuck.
this morning i wanted to try and see if i could do better myself. was craving something rich and chocolatey.

so in to the vitamix:

raw cocoa beans
raw hemp seeds
barleans greens (dried product -the best if you have to buy dry greens!)
raw hazelnuts
a few cashews
some chili and cinnamon and stevia

5 more weeks...   
11:41am 12/08/2008
mood: stressed
the flights are booked.
the condos and hotels are booked.
we have the photographer.
passports just came in the mail.

still have to find a dress. :/
still need the minister.
still need the rings.
09:23am 15/06/2008
  we've picked a date. :)  
12:29am 13/05/2008
  let me out of this cage . . .
perhaps i just want too much... 
i want so much more than i have.  .  .     .. there are too many excuses.
i'm sick of making excuses to myself... there are always reasons i can't do want i want.    ... i'm sick of getting stuck in someone else's pragmatic world. it's just not fun. it's not where i want to be. it's not my paradigm.
i'm ready to leave NOW.
sick and tired of waiting for other people to realize how easy and fun life can be.

feel like painting the walls. throwing cans of paint. painting my couch . the tv.  the window. the walls.

sick of my teenagesque whining and bitching.

a life for others .  . i will always keep coming back to this restless place, over and over. i keep being dragged down. i'm too impatient for this life.  too impatient for those around me. i feel like everything is in slow motion. when i'm around other people at my pace i feel like i'm still stuck in slow motion. how do escape this current dragging me under? how to i regain what was once mine? was it ever mine... perhaps i just like to think it was once mine.

a large tree. down the roots, a large opening. the going is slow. underground. down down. down down.
a large pasture. lush. peaceful. fragrant. green.
a paper boat, turbulant waters. a sail with the word "will".
a small island. the word "reason" in the sand. a coconut tree with a younger version of me. stuck in that tree, that place of solace for too long with nothing to drink except coconut milk. careful not to separate the coconuts from the tree. draining their milk and carving their faces. company. but they turned evil. they frightened me. but i had no where to go. stuck on this island.
coaxed down and away by a basket of fruit.
back on the boat and the waters are calm.
rainbow obsidian.
origami fortune teller with gibberish.
origami fortune teller with no writing.
smooth waters, fresh fruit.
arriving on shore. back in the gardens. no need to look back. it's time to leave the island. let go of the solitude. it did not serve me well.

a golden egg. a secret. keep it hidden. hide in it.
perhaps i could stay here?
fighting with myself. a constant battle. cutting. biting. screaming.
perhaps i'm fighting with him? he just doesn't know it. all fights are with ourselves.
i'm not ready for everyday. the very thought makes me feel ill.

how did i get here????

this shit is way to ordinary.          .          . who wants ordinary?

i'm sick of people that think life is harder than it is. i'm sick of having to wait for those people.


all i want to do is dance.

damn this city.
damn this 'quiet' building

i wish i had my wetsuit

i need to make music.......
An epicentre of change   
10:43pm 11/04/2008
  within one week,

new, second business location,
two new jobs
new apartment
new ring! (mike proposed!)

mary, all a flutter
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09:54am 16/01/2008
  i just downloaded the most amazing music. nasa's voyager recordings : Symphonies of the planets
love it. it's such a trip. i might bring it with me to work and use it instead of my usual massage music.
10:46pm 06/01/2008
  here I am.
this is the year for change. letting go and starting anew.
active completion.
I feel it in my soul, it's time for the beginning of something new and beautiful.
i look forward to the give away.

time to speak to the souls of those I greet and say goodbye. I must put effort in to this letting go. it needs to be done to full completion.

so much gratitude to those i know and love, who have supported me and encouraged me and allowed me to be me. Allowed me to be quiet, secretive, introspective, and perhaps a little aloof or detached? Friends that may not have completely understood me... I am so greatful they accepted me.

there will be a transition, a change over the next two years. i know it.
I need to distance myself physically from this place... i need the newness, the change to be everywhere in my life. the only exception to that will be my life partner who will come with me on my journey. he teaches me patience, amoung other things. I hope he will find what he is looking for... whether he knows he is looking for it or not. he's on a different journey than me, he's moving at a different pace... but i know there is a reason we are together. we have something important to learn from each other.

i feel very excited for this new beginning. for this new journey. for the letting go.

the knowledge is settling in now... i have a blank canvas sitting in front of me. How frightening, all this white. I acknowledge my fears, but beneath those fears, i know. i know that i will know. I cannot make a wrong step, a wrong move. everything is unfolding as it should. the motivation and inspiration, the drive that has eluded me, i see it and i feel it on the horizon. i know it will knock me out cold. it will not be ignored, it will not pass me by, it will consume me, I will consume it.
11:15am 02/01/2008
  what is my motivation?  
Mary feels great :)   
12:41pm 03/12/2007
  Food State Vegetarian Formula Vitamin D 1000 - 2000 iu daily.



simple, simple, simple
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11:25am 02/11/2007
     Read 1 - Post
little boxes on the hillside, little boxes made of ticky tacky   
03:08pm 25/09/2007

i feel like i've been living in a box for the past couple weeks. i feel trapped by self imposed limitations.
i feel stuck in this city. 
i am unable, unwilling to commit to anything here, because i do not want to have any more excuses for not leaving.
i wasn't supposed to be here this long. i should have moved on years ago. i'm feeling the itch stronger than ever before. i can't stop thinking about it, i can't stop talking about it. and the more i reach for it, the more i feel i'm being shut down and boxed in. 
why do i have to prove myself first? 
i have to follow the line, work for the man, drink starbucks and buy my clothes from lululemon before i'm allowed anything that i want.

how has everything backfired. i had plans, what happened? ack. everything fell down the crapper when i had to open up, let someone else in, fall in love and now this endless wait for sychronization. everytime i think it's close, i find it gets further and further away. 

this is it. one more year. 
i'll play by the rules. i'll work for the man. i'll follow the line. i will work within my box if that's what it takes. ...if thats what it takes to get out of the box. ... or is that just stepping into a larger box?

fire the grid   
11:30pm 11/07/2007
  I first heart about fire the grid on coast to coast with george nory, with shelley yates as a guest in 2005. 
when i first heard her, up on hornby island with mike -sitting in the cabin, tuned in to coast to coast for our evening entertainment- i knew her message was an important one... one that would have a huge impact.
I had the opportunity to meet shelly last month in vancouver. The videos below represent most of what i saw and heard when she visited vancouver... but it leaves out a lot. For one, it leaves out the intense emotion and palpable energy in the space. At the end of her talk there was a question and answer period. I am happy i was with a group of people that asked all the right questions. The answers she gave, were answers i had held in my soul all my life and was unable to verbalize until this point in my life. Knowledge i always had, and always knew as a child, brought to the surface once more in a way that makes sense to the adult self. glimpsing the mirror of my soul. I know who i am, with no more doubt in my mind. I know what is coming, and i feel it with bliss in my heart. all knowing, all loving, full of joy.
Some people will understand, the same way I do... for others this event will still be a huge demostration of collective consciosness, law of attraction, and the power of intention.
It's only one hour of your time, what have you got to lose?

u tube video of shelly yates talking on vancouver island:
part 1
part 2 www.youtube.com/watch
part 3 www.youtube.com/watch
part 4 www.youtube.com/watch
part 5 www.youtube.com/watch
part 6 www.youtube.com/watch
part 7 www.youtube.com/watch
part 8 www.youtube.com/watch


fire the grid in vancouver
please join me july 17th, 4:11am at Caperly Park, in Stanley Park

fire the gird + law of attraction:
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funny humans   
03:27pm 11/07/2007
  quest for discovering what is good for us.... 
shouldn't it be obvious? shouldn't we know this stuff? shouldn't we be born with this knowledge.
how to we unlearn bad habits that have carried on for generations. 

why do we search for health.    . why don't we have health?       
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hydrogen peroxide   
11:11am 11/07/2007
  i've been puzzling for a while on the distictly different views i am given on anti-oxidants, free radicals and ozone therapy.
i am familiar with Dr.Warburgs research, and I truly believe his nobel prizes for curing cancer are just as true, valid, and relevant today as they were in 1930. 
I have seen terminal cancers vanish from the body, simply from people eating an alkalizing diet. 

i have read lots of research showing ozone therapy has the same success rates.... but with ozone therapy i also find people extrememly opposed to it, calling it very dangerous.

As for hydrogen peroxide... well it's a free radical. These are the things we are trying to get rid of when we take anti-oxidants. Yet they sell food grade hydrogen peroxide, so people are definitely taking this stuff internally... and for health it would seem. I believe it must have it's origins in warburg research on aerobic and anaerobic cells... and bringing back more oxygen into the body.

to alkalize the body, raw foods are best. raw foodists who eat lots of leafy greens and fresh fruits and veggies are hands down the healthiest people in the world. they glow. I've seen people in horrible physical health, people with cancers, people unable to walk, people with crippling arthritis... all restored to perfect health simply by taking on an alkalizing raw diet. 
the site below states that hydrogen peroxide is naturally occuring in these raw fruits and veggies, and it's the hydrogen peroxide, oxygenating the body that is producing these health benefits.
i know our bodies naturally produce hydrogen peroxide in an effort to balance our ph. Specifically what comes to mind is vaginally. we have a delicate ph balance we must maintain in our vagina's otherwise we are more prone to yeast infections, the body produces small amounts of hydrogen peroxide to balance us out. 

I also find it very interesting that breast milk contains a high amount of hydrogen peroxide... particularily colostrum. 

also that the well known healing spring water at lourdes france contains the strongest amount of hydrogen peroxide in it's natural form. 

hmm... thoughts to ponder.

http://educate-yourself.org/cancer/benefitsofhydrogenperozide17jul03.shtml here's a better site.... but there are many more!
i get by with a little help from my friends...   
04:59pm 07/07/2007
  I love supporting my friends, encouraging them, and helping their businesses grow. My wallet is always filled with business cards of friends; chefs, therapists, yoga instructors, nutritionists, graphic designers, interior designers. Those cards sit there for the right moment, the moment when someone asks me "do you know someone who can help me with ____" or "i wish i had someone to help me with ___". And out come the business cards. My friends don't ask me to do this, it's something i want to do. It's really hard starting out your own business. I know we all struggle in the beginning, finding business, finding clientele. How wonderful it is to get a referral from a friend. It's a real treat!

Referrals from friends come very rarely to me... and I'm not sure why. I get more referrals from strangers than i do friends. I've often pondered this.  I know my friends love me and support me... but maybe they don't realize that this is my lively hood, this is my job, this is my career... with out those clients i have no money for food, rent, bills, debt. Most of my friends are employees, working for someone else, always gauranteed a paycheck at the end of the week; so perhaps they don't understand what it's like to be self employed. On the rare occasion i've asked a couple friends to forward (e-mail) a special offer to their friends, and I've asked them a few weeks later if they had forwarded the e-mail, and they said no. They forgot. Now I don't expect friends to advertise for me. I don't expect all my friends to forward on such messages. but when it comes to close friends, I don't understand why they don't want to forward on an e-mail to a couple of their close friends. I really don't understand why. I know they like massage and they like my massages... why not help a friend out? (especially when all that is required is a couple clicks of the mouse).

I'd love to have a group of people, not even necessarily friends, a support network to help each other out. Other like minded prfessionals, self employed. people to network with, to explore the possibilities of growth to send our messages and services out to the community. I'm always to happy to forward clients to people. I've referrred quite a few of my friends and clients to fellow therapists at heartquest.

I've heard through the gossip grapevine months ago that someone was annoyed that the only e-mails he received from me were work related. This is coming from someone that never e-mails me period. ... but also someone that I help advertise for. I keep a few of his business cards in my wallet (at his request), and i never hesitate to hand them out to anyone i know that could benefit from his services. :/ i don't get it. Obviously we all prefer to have personal e-mail messages as opposed to business related e-mails... that goes without question. But how many of us have the time to sit down and write personal e-mails to everyone we know? And why would you get annoyed at the very rare business e-mails. I think i've only sent out two this whole year.

Same goes for the Vancouver community. I know I always get more snarky in that community than any other... and i was pleasantly surprised that people let me post there for a couple months before i started to get any annoyed posts from people. But as expected the snarky has arrived. Why not support eachother? I carry business cards from Tanis, plug- a Fabulous hair stylist at Rain Hair Salon in Vancouver, and I discovered her through the Vancouver community last year. I love hearing from people starting up, looking for new clients, advertising specials. I love specials! :P Why does it bother some people, it's not like they have to read those posts... I'm not e-mailing them, i'm just posting to a forum. Why do people have nothing better to do that let everyone else know how annoyed they are at them for no reason?? and who are these people that complain about everything and everyone on these forums. who am i arguing with?? could be a 10yr old kid for all i know. This computer thingy is a trixy thing. People can be a lot nastier typing that they would ever be to your face.


cest la vie.

i'm done ranting now.
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07:50am 05/07/2007
  i don't understand people. 
there are hundreds of people that do sensual massages, very clearly posted and easy to find in any newspaper or yellowpages. ...so why to people ask legit massage therapists for such services? i don't get it.
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12:43pm 07/06/2007

Limited Time Special Massage Offer!

Book a 60 or 90 minute Deep Flow Massage For any date 
from now until June 15th and SAVE $30!!

(That makes a 60 minute treatment only $40
and a 90 minute treatment only $60!!)

Deep Flow is an intuitive integration of several
massage and bodywork techniques, including Deep Tissue, Swedish, Reflexology, Joint Release, Shiatsu and Reiki. This full body massage is tailored to your individual needs to bring balance to mind, body and spirit. This massage includes aromatherapy.

Make an appointment today!
I'm available Wed-Sunday 11am-8pm

Mary Daws
Licensed Massage Therapist
Reiki Master & Teacher
Registered Clinical Hypnotherapist

Heart Quest Holistic Wellness Centre
#204-2250 Commercial Drive
mary at whitedeer.ca

*This offer is only valid for your first massage with me!

     Read 2 - Post
fire the grid   
09:37am 02/06/2007
Going with the flow   
02:30pm 29/05/2007

I've decided not to renew my contract with the Heart Quest Holistic Wellness Centre. The rental rates are quite high, and the space is very limiting. July 31st will be my last day there.

A wonderful opportunity has serendipitously been laid out before me. I'm going to spend August on Hornby Island doing massages on the beach,  and taking over another practitioners practise while they go on vacation! :) I am very excited about this!! I'm thrilled at the prospect of spending a month on the beach giving massages!!
the only downside is that mikes work might not allow him to come up to hornby. :(  mike is pretty sad about this. Mike gets free ferry rides- but what good is that if you don't have the time off to take advantage???
My hope is that he will be able to come up for at least a couple days.

I don't know what will happen in september, but i'll keep my eyes open for some fun opportunities! *Perhaps I will finally get my own space!

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